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mom shorts?? are you kidding me?!

for $65 you can now purchase the worst pair of shorts i've ever seen---at the GOODWILL. all right fashion, i give up. you win.

EDIT: this is from urban outfitters, by the way.

From the desk of Mrs. Hey Shithead

Lovely Anne,

I've been looking forward to writing to you for months. I just returned from a whirlwind tour of India, China, and many other countries on a fact-finding mission. Now that I've officially looked at all three billion, I can say as a fact that you are the most beautiful girl in the world. I've seen every face, and I know that it's you.

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one more thing

we sell this book at borders. it's in children's non-fiction. the references list reads like a who's who at exxon's PR department. it also talks about how the warming of the earth and the melting of the polar ice caps are natural parts of earth's evolution, so don't let those overreactive liberals scare you into buying a prius when you get older--get a hummer, it's amphibius!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope it's as good as mine was (by that i mean awesome).

love, anne (hatefulness suspended until tomorrow)

more snow!

more snow!
"more snow!" on Google Video
this was along the way to the top of mt. hood.

mount hood

mount hood
"mount hood" on Google Video
mike and i drove to where the snow is. this is the summit of mount hood, about 60 miles from portland. at home, it was 45 and sunny.

open letter to xm radio

dear xm radio,
about 6 years ago, i made a solemn vow to myself that i'd never put myself in a situation to have to hear "i'm not an addict" by k's choice. thanks to you and your horrible unpredictable programming, you slipped it in between paul weller and jesus and mary chain. WTF?!?!?! it's a travesty, and i'm not just saying that because i'm the product of 7+ years of working in a record store. k's choice should be so stuck in 1998 where it belongs with meredith brooks and the rest of those fucking horrible one-hit bitches.

EDIT: while i'm at it, thanks a fucking lot for making me listen to dishwalla today, too. the only thing i wish for more than world peace is a skip function on xm.
dear ups,

if i could bomb every single one of your smarmy brown trucks, i would. it's not as if they actually DELIVER anything. as a matter of fact, your drivers circle the neighborhoods day after day putting stickers on peoples' doors telling them "oops, we missed you! we'll try again tomorrow!"
well, tomorrow and every fucking day this week i will be at work, you know, "NOT HOME", and i will eventually have to pick up MY OWN PACKAGES at the ups store--yes, the solitary single ONE ups store in omaha which is tucked neatly under south omaha, reeking of slaughtered cattle. i ask you this, ups: why in the hell am i PAYING for shipping on my packages when i have to drive to pick them up? and why do your drivers only deliver when normal people are NOT HOME?
in closing: i hate you. i hate everything about your shady business ethics, your poor service, and your outrageous prices. sleep with one eye open and your back to the wall, ups.

disgruntledly, anne

p.s. i have nothing against south omaha. it's just very fucking far from anywhere i usually am.